How to combat that feeling of helplessness with illegal drugs

 

Здесь необходимо маленькое отступление!

В старом сериале «Санта Барбара» все эти выражения были переведены дословно. Например:

- Where have you been? (спрашивает девушка заучившегося бойфренда в очках и с кипой книг). You’ve been reading for the bar all day long? (Перевод: Как, ты весь день занимался в баре?!).

Я бы мог привести десятки примеров бездарного, буквального, профессионально преступного и халатно одобренного редакцией перевода, но мы отклонимся от темы. Хотя, впрочем, например Roger! (Идет! Добро! Понял!) перевели как Да, Роджер! (какой к черту Роджер?), выражение piggy bank (копилка) перевели как поросячий банк.

Where you keep your money? – In a piggy bank. – Why don’t you keep it in a regular bank? Перевод: Где ты хранишь деньги? – В поросячьем банке. – А почему не в нормальном?

 

Galley Oops!

"Thou shalt commit adultery" was one of the very first printed bloopers, and the tradition of falling pratfully in public print has continued undimmed. Surely the irrepressible Surly had a wispy hand in the creation of the following all-American galley gaffes (суперляпы):

1. The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the president, hijacking an airline, and murdering a government poultry inspector.

2. Political insiders call them wedge issues—raw, emotional issues like social security for Democrats and capital punishment for Republicans.

3. The race also includes two of the five openly gay can­didates running around the city (здесь обыгрываются 2 значения to run – 1. баллотироваться 2. бегать, носиться).

4. The pro-seat-belt camp maintains that seat belts would keep students, particularly smaller children like Marvin, from being thrown from their seats and escaping serious injury.

5. The department has implemented a computerized system for tracking down deadbeat parents (deadbeat – злостный неплательщик налогов, алиментов).

6. Vincent Charles, a 14-year Secret Service veteran, said the string of incidents had heightened security around the White House. "The White House has al­ways attracted the mentally ill," he said.

7. Coach Mike Kyzyzewski asked some of his players over to the house for dinner one day last spring, then barbecued himself (получается, что он сам себя зажарил).

8. This is the third marriage of the groom. He has also been through World War II (то есть третий брак – жизненная катастрофа, соразмерная со Второй мировой войной).

9. After a Rastafarian (растаман) had run amok and amputated one of his mother's and both of his father's hands, a police source described their conditions as serious. “They will just have to keep their fingers crossed," he said.

10. The dead man was described as white, aged between 30 and 40, with an Irish accent.

11. From now on, police will pick up road-killed animals, not Public Works employees.

12. Smith was one of 10 Dallas businessmen robbed and brutally beaten with aluminum baseball bats from October to January.

13. During the scrimmage, Fresno State University bas­ketball coach Jerry Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails.

14. In women twice as often as in men, death was the first sign that HIV was progressing, the researchers found.

15. An American teenager gives birth every 20 minutes.

16. Japanese tabloids are all atwitter that the wife of Crown Prince Naruhito, whose years-long search for a bride was exhaustively chronicled, might soon be a father.

17. Notice: I wish to thank anyone who so kindly as­sisted in my husband's death.

18. The Southeast Georgia Alzheimer's Chapter will present a cabaret, "A Night to Remember."

 

All the Nudes Fit to Print

"Sextra! Sextra! Read all about it!" newspapers seem to blare. It's amazing how lewd, lascivious, licentious, and lecherous are so many of the errors in newspapers and magazines:

1. She is the first blond virgin for a century.

2. The Oregon Republican admits he harassed women but vows not to quit.

3. Jerry Lee Lewis played the piano with his elbow, feet, and any other part of his body available.

4. The Misses Doris, Agnes, and Vivian Jameson are spending several days at the home of their mother. This is the first time in years that the community has had the pleasure of seeing the Jameson girls in the altogether (в чем мать родила).

5. Bronstein, a UNH entomologist, is an expert on insects that bite people in recreation areas (можно понять так: кусают в развлекательные части тела).

6. The bits about masturbation are especially well handled (по-моему, все понятно).

7. In a wanton display of chastity (в наипошлейшей, хвастливой, показушной демонстрации целомудрия), more than 100,000 Southern Baptist youngsters are pledging to abstain from sex until marriage.

8. CHICK ACCUSES SOME OF HER

MALE COLLEAGUES OF SEXISM

Explanation: Los Angeles councilwoman Laura Chick lashed out at City Halt as the "most sexist good-old-boys environment that I've ever been in." (chick в английском сленге означает «цыпочка», «телка», девка, чувиха и т.д.)

9. IDAHO BRIDES CAN’T TAKE HEAVY G.I. TRAFFIC

Explanation; The story is about Idaho bridges, but the printer carelessly dropped a g. (из-за опечатки получилось, что невесты из Айдахо не выдержали огромного наплыва солдат).

10. VIRGIN TO PROVIDE WEEKEND EXCITEMENT

Explanation: Famous runner Craig Virgin will enter the local race.

11. SURGERY EOR BUTTS

Explanation: New England Patriots running back Marion Butts needs an operation (butts – задницы; омонимия с фамилией футболиста).

12. HELEN WILLS MOODY ON 3-WEEK HONEYMOON

Explanation: Tennis champion Helen Wills Moody is on her honeymoon (wills – хочет, желает).

13. BRANDEIS PLAYERS MASTER BATES (звучит как masturbates).

Explanation: Brandeis University defeated Bates College in football.

14. RECORD SOVIET CROP: TURD

Explanation: Crop production was announced by the communist news outlet Trud—creating an accident waiting to happen.

15. FREE VACCINATIONS SOUGHT

FOR EVERY CHILD BY CLINTON

16. SEMINAL ISSUE RESURFACES

IN PRISONER’S SUITS

(Слово seminal многозначно: 1. плодотворный, основополагающий, конструктивный (seminal ideas, seminal cooperation, etc.) 2. имеющий отношение к сперме. Т.е. можно прочесть и так: Сперма снова появилась на тюремных робах).

17. PRIVATES HELD IN SEXUAL ASSAULT

(privates – 1. рядовые (что, по всей видимости, и имелось в виду) 2. половые органы)

18. ADULTS THINK TEENS HAVING

MORE SEX THAN THEY ARE

19. LAY POSITION PROPOSED BY BISHOP FOR WOMEN

(Lay positions здесь означает не позицию в сексе, а светские должности (в отличие от церковных)).

20. BARBARA BUSH TALKS ABOUT HER LIFE,

ABORTION, HOMOSEXUALITY

21. FUMES FORCE HUGE NOGALES EVACUATION

22. WIFE LOSES 86 POUNDS

23. PECK RECALLS MOBY DICK AS HIS HARDEST

(Актер Грегори Пек вспоминает свою роль в фильме Moby Dick (очень часто в целях создания комического эффекта это название трансформируется в Moby’s Dick (член)). Hardest звучит двусмысленно: 1. самая трудная роль 2. учитывая сленговое значение слова dick, это может быть намек на половое возбуждение (hard on – эрекция)).

24. BOY WANTS TO MOUNT AUTOGRAPHED GUITAR

(обыгрываются значения слова mount – 1. повесить на стенку 2. взобраться на, взгромоздиться на (в т.ч. и в сексуальном смысле)).

25. AFTER SPILL, JOCKEY’S BUSINESS FALLS OFF

(одно из значений слова business – хозяйство (половой орган)).

26. POLICE WANT TO SEE MORE OF MAN WHO EXPOSED HIMSELF

(Expose – 1. дать признательные показания, признаться в преступлении 2. оголиться, показать свою наготу).

 

We Stand Korrected

“Our paper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce. "

(Без слов!)

 

The problem is that sometimes corrections turn out to be defectives on the paper's policing farce. At other times, the corrections that turn out to be incorrections make you wonder what the newspaper is trying to correct:

1. The Pacific Rim column in yesterday's Business/ Extra section should have read that "Fine Boys is a leading Japanese fashion magazine for guys," not gays. The Chronicle regrets the editing error.

2. Our report on Monday said that up to 6 million had died in a gun battle in Sri Lanka. It should have read up to 6 militants died in a gun battle.

3. Due to an error, the October 22 story on the ABC bond read that John Gorham said "diddly squat" when asked to explain its value. The story should have read that we were unable to reach Gorham for comment. We apologize for the error.

4. The article about the Ladies' Craft Club should have stated Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Smith have talks on"smocking and rugs," not "smoking and drugs," as previously reported.

5. For the old-style corn chowder recipe from the Wooden Spoon column: Add one big onion, not one bag of onions.

6. An article in Saturday's local edition incorrectly reported that a suspect who had been indicted by a federal grand jury had been identified as "Fnu Lnu." "Fnu Lnu" is not a name. "Fnu" is a law-enforcement abbreviation for "first name unknown" "Lnu" for "last name unknown."

7. Burlington County Commissioner Bert Greenough has 100 percent support from his family, not 10 percent, as was stated in last week's article on Greenough's announcement to seek re-election.

8. The “Candidates on Television” listing yesterday misspelled the name of the vice president in some editions. It is Quayle, not Quale. The Tmise regrets the error.

9. The Auctions column in Weekend yesterday misidentified a brand of watch. It is a World Time, not a Wald-heim. [Oh well, that's what happens when you forget to Adenhauer. ] (Add an hour – аллюзия на фамилию бывшего канцлера ФРГ Конрада Аденауэра).

(Курт Вальдхайм – генеральный директор ООН (1972-81 гг.), дипломат, президент Австрии с 1986 года).

10. Erroneous information was inadvertently inserted into the biographical summary accompanying a story on Joseph Argyle. Mr. Argyle cannot simultaneously whistle, stand on his head, and drink beer.

 

Classified Classics

A company ran an advertisement for a portable camp shower, emphasizing the ease with which it could be assembled. In a full-page ad, showing a bikini-clad woman screwing the shower to the wail, the big, black headline read: TWO screws and YOU'RE- ready for a shower (screw – синоним известных нам fuck и shag).

1. Use our medicine and you can kiss your hemorrhoids goodbye! (обыгрывается Kiss your ass goodbye! – Попрощайся с жизнью!)

2. Kinney shoe stores: We only sell the right shoe (только правый ботинок или только правильную обувь?).

3. Our goal is to have you drive away a satisfied customer (понять можно двояко: 1. чтобы вы (клиент) уехали довольным или 2. отвадить, послать к черту довольного клиента).

4. Turkey Carpet for Sale good condition the property of a lady too large for her rooms.

5. Narcolepsy Support Group, a new group for individuals who suffer from this sleep disorder and their families, will begin at 2 P.M.

6. Law-firm ad: If you have experienced accident injury, or even death, please call us.

7. In a brochure advertising a seminar on sexual harassment in the workplace: Experts will define issues, clarity laws, and conduct hands-on training (можно понять буквально «лапать, тискать» (очень в струю с темой семинара), но имелось в виду другое: hands-on training – практический семинар, на реальных примерах).

8. Bras—1/2 Off! (видимо, имелась в виду скидка в 50%, а получается, что половина бюста долой!)

9. Wanted. Help for parents of children with attention deficit and lysdexia (dyslexia).

10. Wanted. 100-year-old bridge repairers (рабочие для ремонта 100-летнего моста или рабочие, кому перевалило за вековой юбилей?).

11. Wanted. A steady young woman to wash, iron, and milk two cows.

12. Wanted. Boring Mill Operator (to bore – 1. бурить 2. надоедать, нудить).

13. Wanted. Waitresses. Male or female may apply.

14. Wanted. Emotionally Handicapped Teacher.

15. For sale. Stimulated pearls (опечатка: не stimulated, а simulated pearls – искусственный жемчуг).

16. XYZ Motors is the oldest Saab dealer in the Upper Valley since 1968.

17. Cupid's Restaurant. Beautiful ladies to serve you. We've Lifted Our Standards Up Yours (1. повысили свой уровень (планку) в обслуживании до вашего или 2. Up yours! – засунь себе в з…).

18. There will be plenty to eat: hot dogs, hamburgers, children under 12, only a dollar.

19. Widow, 73, would like to meet gent with a car of similar age.

20. At the Cleveland Clinic, some of our surgeons can add years to your life. Others are equally expert at reversing the process.

21. Mattie's. Yogurt and Ice Cream Parlor " An Alternative to Good Eating".

22. Treadmill $100, stair-stepper $75, mini trampoline Sill Thigh master $10, Thigh master $10, crutches $10.

23. Grand piano for sale by young lady with mahogany legs (у кого все-таки ножки из красного дерева?).

24. Our Brake and Tire Service Will Keep You Coming Back.

25. Mattress company slogan: Why Not Sleep with the Best?

26. Finally, this most classic of classified gems:

LOST DOG – Mixed breed, shaggy, left front leg ampu­tated, missing top of right ear, partially blind, bad case of mange (чесотка), tail was broken and healed crooked, some teeth gone, scars on head and back, have been castrated. Answers to name of Lucky.

 

Fractured English Abroad

In l962, during the Cuban missile crisis, Secretary of State Dean Rusk announced, "We're eyeball to eyeball and I think the other fellow just blinked." Soviet Foreign Minister Andrei Gromyko responded to the comment by announcing, "I am looking forward to talking with you balls to balls."

 

When a French-Canadian politician was applauded by an American audience, he beamed, saying, "I thank you for giving my wife and me the clap! I thank you from the heart of my bottom and my wife thanks you from her bottom too!"

(the clap – гонорея, а не аплодисменты; bottom – не глубина души, а задница).

These charming efforts remind us that few idioms and expressions can be literally translated word for word from one language to another. Every traveler and tourist in a foreign land has a tale to tell about the fractured English of signs, menus, and advertisements.

A classic of global gabble is this list of Japanese rules for the road:

1. At the rise of the hand of the policeman, stop

rapidly. Do not pass him, otherwise disrespect him.

2. When passenger of the foot heave in sight, tootle the horn trumpet melodiously at first.

If he still obstacles your passage, tootle with vigor and express by word of mouth the warning "Hai. Hai."

3. Beware of the wandering horse that he shall not take fright as you pass him. Do not explosion the exhaust pipe, do soothingly by him or stop by the roadside till he pass away.

4. Give big space to the festive dog that make sport in the roadway. Avoid entanglement with your wheel spoke.

5. Go soothingly on the grease mud as there lurk the skid demon.

6. Press the brake of the toot as you roll around the corner to save the collapse and tires up.

 

Here is a string of additional Japanese pearls:

1. Be considerate – think for others.

2. Artistic barber for cutting off of head.

3. No horse back riding except in carriages.

4. Outside a bar: Yo Come In. Yo Love Our Girls/And No Sheet-Keecking Music!

5. Notice pasted on a door: Shut Up.

A notice in a Madras, India, newspaper proclaimed, "Our editors are colleged and write like the Kipling and the Dickens " (есть очень известное выражение What the dickens! – Какого черта!) The Moscow Times ran an ad under the heading INTERPRETING that advised, "Let us your letter business translation do. Every people in our staffing know English like the hand of their back (надо наоборот the back of their hands). Up to the minuet (конечно, minute) wise-street phrases, like don't you know, old boy." With instruction like this, it's no surprise that globe-trotting blooper snoopers uncover exotic jewels like the following:

1. In a hotel in Weifang, China: Invisible service is available for your rest being not disturbed.

2. From a hotel brochure in Qingdao, China: Hua Tian Hotel is among the few best foreign affairs hotels (affair в английском языке иногда еще означает любовная интрижка).

3. In the brochure of an Italian hotel in the Dolomites area: Standing among savage scenery, the hotel offers stupendous revelations. There is a French widow (конечно, window)in every room. We can offer you a commodious chamber, with balcony imminent to a romantic gorge. We hope you want to drop in. In the close village you can buy jolly memorials (memorabilia – памятные вещи) for when you pass away (умереть).

4. From a China Southwest Airlines in-flight magazine: Not drink tea just after dieting. Otherwise, the tea will dilute gastric juice and play down digestion. While the tannate of the tea will turn protein to a coagulum that uneasy to digest. This will heavy the bear of stomach. So, you would better drink tea one hour after dieting.

5. On a "Family Style" restaurant in Hong Kong: Come Broil Yourself at Your Own Table (получается, что не сам готовь, а готовь себя сам).

6. On a Chinese menu: Mr. Zheng and his fellow workers like to meet you and entertain you with their hostility and unique cooking techniques (hostility – враждебность, конечно имелось в виду hospitality – радушие, гостеприимство).

7. On another Chinese menu: Special cocktails for women with nuts (для женщин с яйцами?????).

8. On a Greek menu: Spleen omelet, fisherman's crap setup, calf pluck, bowels (надо crab, a не crap – дерьмо).

9. On Budapest menu: Special today – no ice cream.

10. Outside a Mexico City disco: Members and Non-Members Only.

11. Sign on a ferry in San Juan harbor: In case of emergency, the lifeguards are under the seat in the center of the vessel.

12. In a German pamphlet: Our ETERNA Fountain- Pen is a revolting invention (надо revolutionary, revolting – отвратительный, омерзительный).

13. In a jeweler’s window India: We shoot earholes.

14. In a Chinese in-flight magazine: The stewardesses of Southwest Airlines must go through four steps, such as hardship, tiredness, dirt feeling. Beside the quality of general stewardess.

 

***

What do you call a person who speaks three languages Trilingual. What do yon call a person who speaks two languages? Bilingual. And what do you call a person who speaks one language? American.

Brand New Bloopers

A gourmet coffee was sold in Tokyo as an antidote to stress. Its name in English was intended to indicate that the product would soothe the troubled breast. Thus, the manufacturer chose Rise Your Bosoms.

Other brand names that don't sell well in English-speaking markets include a canned spicy pepper sauce from Ghana named Shitto, a French soft drink called Pschitt, and a Finnish product used to unfreeze car locks called Super Piss.

The Germans named one of their products Merdol. They found they couldn't sell it in France (merde по-франц. означает дерьмо).

The original ad slogan that the Swedes used for their Electrolux vacuum cleaner was " Nothing Sucks Like Electrolux!"

 

In Seoul, South Korea, the government received so many complaints about taxi drivers that it had to set up a telephone hotline for passengers who encountered rudeness or dangerous driving. To advise customers of this service, a sign was posted on the inside rear door of cabs, notifying English-speaking passengers of the availability of an " Intercourse Discomfort Report Center" (intercourse – помимо общения по средствам связи означает еще половой акт).

We laugh at such clumsy translations, yet we don't realize how equally susceptible we English speakers and writers are. Despite endless boardroom cogitation, many a multinational corporation has ended up with its brand name or slogan on its face.

 

Global slip-ups remind us that few words and idioms can be literally translated, Caveat vendor—seller beware: it's best to hire the best for translation.

More than others, the automobile industry seems to be prone to linguistic accidents. The classic story of vehicu­lar misnaming is associated with General Motors. As the literal translation of the brand name Nova to Spanish means "star," why then, GM wanted to know, were Hispanic Chevrolet dealerships so unaccommodating to this model? That's because, when spoken aloud, Nova sounds like no va— which means, " it doesn't go. " GM changed the name to Caribe.

Ford Motor Company's Caliente turned out to mean " streetwalker " (проститутка) in Mexico, Ford came up with a second flat tire in Japan, where Cortina translated as " jalopy " (колымага, ведро). The company discovered that a truck model it called Fiera means " ugly old woman " in Spanish. As if this was not enough, it turns out that Pinto is a slang term mean­ing " small male appendage. "

Even the luxurious Rolls-Royce Company found out the hard way that in German, Silver Mist means " human waste " (экскременты).

Here are more classic cross-border marketing misfortunes that got lost in translation:

1. The colas of the world have been shaken up explosively by mistranslation. When Pepsi-Cola invaded the huge Chinese and German markets, the effort initially fizzled. The product's slogan, " Come alive with the Pepsi generation, " was rendered (or should I say rent?) into Chinese as " Pepsi brings back your dead ancestors " and into German as " Come out of the grave with Pepsi. "

2. Coca-Cola also discovered in Taiwan that the Chinese characters chosen to sound like its name mean " Bite the wax tadpole. " Coke then changed to a set of characters that mean " Happiness in the mouth. "

3. Fresca 's brand name fizzled in Mexico, where its name turned out to be slang for 'lesbian. "

4. When Coors Beer cast its slogan, " Turn It Loose” in Spanish the statement read as " Suffer from diarrhea. "

5. Perdue chicken's slogan " It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken " read, in Spanish, " It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."

6. Braniff Air Lines, promoting its comfortable leather seats, used the headline "Sentado en cuero," which was interpreted as " Sit naked."

7. Clairol hair products introduced its Mist Stick curling iron in Germany only to find that mist is German slang for " manure " (навоз). Germans did not stand in long lines waiting to buy Manure Sticks.

8. 3M translated its Scotch tape slogan, " Sticks like crazy," into Japanese and came up with a sticky problem. The slogan translated literally into Japanese as " It sticks foolishly. "

9. Kellogg encountered a problem when it introduced its Bran Buds to Sweden. The name translates loosely into Swedish as Burnt Farmer.

10. Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues found that Puff in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse.

11. Parker Pen's jotter ballpoint pen could not be marketed with that name in some Latin countries because jotter happens to be slang for " jockstrap " (суспензорий, раковина для мошонки).

12. Colgate Palmolive had to discard Cue as the name for its toothpaste in France. Cue is the name of a widely circulated French pornographic magazine.

 

Even the wrong nonverbal cue can play hob with a product's reception in a far-off land:

1. Gerber baby food initially packaged their African product just the some as in the United States—with a cute baby picture on the jar. They didn't realize that because so many Africans cannot read, nearly all packaged products sold in Africa carry pictures of what is inside. Pureed baby —horrors!

2. Muslims in Bangladesh rioted and ransacked Thom McAn stores when they mistook the company's logo on some sandals for the Arabic letters for Allah. One person was killed and 50 people were injured before the melee ended.

 

Mrs. Malaprop Lives!

1. In Venice, the people travel around the canals in gargonzolas (gondolas).

2. In the United States, people are put to death by elocution (electrocution).

3. The two sides in a court trial are the defense and the prostitution (prosecution).

4. I haven't seen him in over a year. I hear he went to one of those ivory league colleges (Ivy League colleges).

5. Okay, ma'am, I'm going to give you a ballpoint figure (ballpark figure – приблизительная цифра ).

6. She's led a sedimentary life (sedentary life – сидячий образ жизни).

7. He's always hurling epitaphs at people (epithets).

8. When the Martians' spaceship landed, they got out and had testicles (яички) ( надо: tentacles - щупальца)all over their heads.

9. The food in our cafeteria is so bad it's not fit for human constipation (запор) ( надо: consummation - потребление ).

10. The Alberta Pipeline was largely financed through ornate investigators (investors).

11. He was arrested for parking tickets and other mister meaners (misdemeanors).

12. A Spanish Armada ship sank years ago off the coast of Florida. When I lived there, divers would search the wreckage for gold bunions ( bunions – мозоли, нарывы;надо: bullions – слитки ).

13. Many college students are abscessed (obsessed) with TV.

14. Adultery is what adolescents are practicing for.

15. I want that list arranged in condescending order (in descending order – в убывающем, нисходящем порядке; condescending означает снисходительный).

16. Children tend to put their parents on a petal stool (pedestal).

17. The British Museum was a millstone (milestone) in the development of civilization (millstone – жернов, а milestone – веха, важный этап).

18. I plead the fifth commandment (amendment – поправка к конституции; commandment - заповедь).

19. I drank myself into Bolivia (into oblivion).

20. I'm calling on my cellulite phone (cellular phone).

21. I'm blessed with a photogenic memory (photographic).

22. Game canceled due to inclimate weather (inclement – суровая погода).

23. He suffered from low self of steam (low self esteem – низкая самооценка).

24. You're hand stringing my creativity (hamstringing – ты мешаешь, не даешь мне…).

25. I am utterly dumb folded (dumbfounded – сбит с толку).

26. Children so smart they are in exhilarated classes (надо: accelerated – ускоренный; exhilarated – веселый, радостный, возбужденный).

27. Several workers were laid off, but they all received sufferance pay (нужно: severance pay – компенсация).

28. I can give you the recipe for my fruit compost (fruit compote).

29. A few members argue that it would be a mute point if the majority doesn't speak out (не mute – немой, а moot point – спорный вопрос).

30. She digressed (regressed) back to her childhood.

31. I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incinerate me (надо: insinuate – скомпрометировать в то время как incinerate означает сжечь, испепелить).

32. There's no astigmatism attached to that (надо: stigma; to attach a stigma to — запятнать (что-л.) a stigma attaches to — позор (быть каким-л. или делать что-л.) No stigma attaches to being poor. — Бедность — не порок. There is no stigma to being poor. — Бедность — не порок).

33. My contact lenses adhere to the contortion (contour) of my eye.

34. The decimal (decibel) level was too high to measure (decimal – десятичный).

35. She was dressed in full regatta (regalia).

36. I have a good rappaport (rapport) with just about everyone.

37. This list is impartial (partial, incomplete). I need a complete list.

38. This will only exasperate (exaggerate) the problem.

39. It was a real cliff-dweller (cliff-dweller – досл. житель скал; надо: cliffhanger – триллер).

40. His attendance has been very erotic (erratic).

41. The museum contains many artifacts and pimentos (mementos) of the past.

42. Make your homecoming a memorial (memorable) one.

43. My son's grades have taken a real nosedrop (имелось в виду резкое ухудшение учебы, т.е. nosedive; nosedrop – это сопли).

44. After the service, entertainment will follow at the local cemetery.

45. The world today is full of crime and phonography (pornography).

46. I don't believe in heaven or hell, but I do believe in puberty (poverty).

 

When Metaphors Collide

I never used metaphor I didn't like, and I never met a mixed metaphor I didn't collect. I now grab the bull by the tail (horn) and present the cream of the dregs of figures of speech that just don't add up:

1. That's water under the dam (water under the bridge).

2. Let's not stir up (wake up) sleeping dogs.

3. Let's be sure that the contract covers all the asses (assets – активы).

4. My new Saab is unbelievable. It's the Cadillac of cars.

5. The light at the end of the tunnel is just the tip of the iceberg.

6. I've got an ace up my hole (sleeve).

7. He was bleeding like a stuffed pig.

8. That was the last straw on the camel's back (that broke the camel’s back).

9. You can't change the spots on an old dog (on a leopard).

10. We had some disagreements early in her career but she's turned her attitude around 360 degrees since then (180 degrees).

11. It was like pulling hens' teeth.

12. The pianist has the fastest fingers ever to set foot on stage.

13. The underground parking garage will never see the light of day.

14. It's time to fish or get off the pot (в оригинале: to shit).

15. He smokes like a fish (a chimney).

16. Remember, she's no fried chicken (spring chicken).

17. What can I do? I'm only a big wheel (fish) in a small pond.

18. Her leg was amputated after a long-standing illness.

19. In our family we bend over backward to be upright and honest.

20. Oral sex is distasteful.

21. It's a Pandora's Box hanging over our heads (обычно говорят, что нависает не ящик Пандоры, а Дамоклов меч – the Damocles sword).

 

 

22. The matrimonial agency was barely making ends meet (end – задница, половой орган).

23. The diving school was barely keeping its head above water.

24. We're back to square zero (to square ‘one’).

25. A wedding aboard a luxurious cruise boat can run from $3,000 to $20,000, if someone wants to go overboard (overhead).

26. The chasms in my general knowledge are abysmal (слова chasm и abyss – синонимы и означают бездну, бездонную пропасть).

27. He was three shades (sheet) in the wind.

28. She was born with a silver slipper (spoon) in her mouth.

29. You've got to put your foot down with a firm hand.

30. What can you do when you're at the bottom of the rung (нужно было сказать так: at the bottom rung of the ladder)?

31. You've hit the iceberg (nail) on the head.

32. They're trying to pull the wool over my face (конечно, eyes).

33. I'm not mending bridges we've already sold down the river.

34. I only have two pair of hands.

35. Let's bite (take) the bull by the horns.

 

(Пояснения к некоторым вышеприведенным высказываниям вы сможете найти в главе «Stop the presses»)

 

 

How’s That Again?

An obituary in a Peoria, Illinois, newspaper read: "Mr. Martin Shore was born in Madison, Wisconsin, where he died and later moved to Peoria."

During the Vietnam War, a U.S. military officer ex­plained, "We had to destroy that town in order to save it."

"After the eighties, the nineties will make the fifties look like the sixties." Dennis Hopper.

The sagacious Hobbes, of the late comic strip Calvin and Hobbes, once predicted that "we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding." Hobbes had it just about right when it comes to state­ments such as the following:

1. Perhaps the most cruel tragedy in the death yesterday of Caleb Witherspoon is that had it happened a few minutes later, he might still be alive.

2. Sign on the men's room door at the offices of the Detroit School Board: Please keep the door closed when coming in or going out.

3. Instructions on a paper-towel dispenser: Pull down. Tear up.

4. A Denver TV channel offered this sage advice: "Don't go into darkened parking lots unless they are well lighted."