ALICE ’S RUSSIAN SOUL Молодёжь называют распущенными, а они бывают так трогательно стыдливы.

 

INTERLUDE

THE NARRATOR Мы близимся к завершению. Во время заседания Учёного совета Академии современных искусств на рассмотрение выносится вопрос о «недостойном поведении мисс Флоренски». Но сэр Гилберт произносит блестящую оправдательную речь, суть которой в том, что Элис — русская, а русские якобы являются этническим меньшинством и в качестве меньшинства требуют защиты и заступничества. Звучит отрывок из песни Party Like a Russian современного британского исполнителя Робби Уильямса; сама эта песня, использующая музыкальную тему войны из балета «Ромео и Джульетта» Сергея Прокофьева, — богатая кладовая стереотипов британцев о нашей культуре.

(Spasibo)

Party like a Russian

End of discussion

Dance like it got concussion, oh

Put a doll inside a doll

Party like a Russian

Disco seduction

Party like a Russian, oh

Have it like an oligarch

 

SCENE 16

(The college conference hall)

 

MRS WALKING Issue five in our agenda is Ms Florensky, our visiting lecturer, her behaviour, and her attitude to her work. Miss Berzina, can you please bring forward what you have to say?

 

AGNESE (gets up) During her first lesson, Ms Florensky glorified the Tsarist regime in Russia. During her second lesson, she spoke about old age and death— a subject which could have triggered depressive thoughts in her students. During lesson three, she defended Russian militarism and justified family abuse. During lesson seven, she seemed to approve of Vladimir Putin’s hateful methods of dealing away with his political opponents. Can such behaviour be tolerated within the walls of our college? Cannot we possibly face legal actions directed at the college if we keep tolerating this attitude of Ms Florensky?

She sits down. General silence. Some members of the Board smile broadly.

 

ALICE ’S RUSSIAN SOUL Зачем Агнесе это делает? Хочет выслужиться перед новыми хозяевами жизни? Хочет продвижения в карьере, боится, что я ей помешаю? Как это предсказуемо, как гадко…

 

SIR GILBERT (clears the throat) Ladies and gentlemen! (He gets up.) Allow me to play an attorney for the accused party.

 

(Reads from his notebook.) Ms Florensky may have her shortcomings. She might be slightly homophobic. She also might be a hidden admirer of Russian militarism. And so on, and so forth. All these features of Miss Florensky’s unique personality originate from one simple fact. The fact is that she is Russian.

 

She is Russian, and her homophobia, or her admiration for white, cisgender males, or whatnot, are clearly a part of her genetic code. Do you seriously expect her to change her genetic code?

 

Russophobia, like all other disgusting nationalistic phobias, shall never be tolerated within the walls of our college. Ms Florensky is a member of an ethnic minority and should be treated accordingly. Do you have an objection, Ms Berzina?

 

AGNESE Yes, I do. (She gets up.) I only wanted to remark that Russians belong to the white majority, not to an ethnic minority.

 

SIR GILBERT I was expecting this! Fully wrong! Russians donot belong to the white majority! They are Scythians, as is generally known! Allow me to quote from a famous poem by the Russian poet Alexander Blok.

 

Yes, we are Scythians—leaf of the Asian tree,

Our slanted eyes are bright aglow with greed!

 

General silence.

 

The claim to remove Ms Florensky from the staff looks in this context as a case of racial prejudice that we cannot permit ourselves. I have finished, Your Honour.

 

He sits down, very pleased with himself.

 

Silence.

 

ALICE ’S RUSSIAN SOUL Это он молодец, конечно! То ещё представление. Ну-ка, посмотрим, что они ответят!

 

MRS WALKING A very nice speech, Sir Gilbert. But we cannot take it seriously, can we?

 

SIR GILBERT Why?

 

MRS WALKING (rather angrily) Because the problem is that you visit us twice a half-year, providing us with your protégées as new visiting lecturers, and because we, in our capacity of everyday college workers, must then deal with our students, their parents and their expectations. Please answer for what you say, Sir Gilbert! Do you understand that we cannot discharge Ms Florensky after your plaidoyer? Are you aware of that?

 

SIR GILBERT (calmly) Yes, I am. No, I think we cannot. But we can discharge Miss Berzina instead.

 

General silence. Agnese is very much taken aback; she gasps.

 

ALICE ’S RUSSIAN SOUL Вон оно как повернулось! Не рой другому яму…

 

SIR GILBERT Mercy, dear! We must postpone the issue for one month and handle it again in May. I am sorry for this performance. But I do hope that it has served as a lesson for a couple of people here.

 

ALICE ’S RUSSIAN SOUL Я поняла: это не только ради меня! Он дал им урок! Какой умный человек, всё-таки…

 

INTERLUDE

THE NARRATOR. Последняя сцена нашей пьесы. Кэролайн и Патрик приходят к мисс Флоренски домой сообщить о том, что они стали парой. Та очень рада, что всё устроилось именно так, и даёт своим студентам последние наставления. А после — достаточно неожиданно — появляется сэр Гилберт с предложением руки и сердца. Как ответит Элис, мы ещё не знаем. Интерлюдия — отрывок из Until Стинга. «Если бы я был умней Аристотеля, какое значение это имело бы без твоей любви?» — спрашивает певец.

If I caught the world in a bottle

And everything was still beneath the moon

Without your love would it shine for me?

If I was smart as Aristotle

And understood the rings around the moon

What would it all matter if you loved me?

Here in your arms

Where the world is impossibly still

With a million dreams to fulfill

And a matter of moments until the dancing ends

Here in your arms

When everything seems to be clear

Not a solitary thing would I fear

Except when this moment comes near the dancing´s end

 

SCENE 18

 

Alice’s Studio. Patrick and Caroline are about to enter.

ALICE Please come in. I am very glad to see both of you. It was unexpected though…

 

Patrick and Caroline enter and look as if they were about to say something.

 

ALICE Come on! There is something you came here for.

 

CAROLINE Yes—no—that is—

 

ALICE To tell me that you are a couple now?

 

CAROLINE (utters a happy scream) She has guessed!

 

ALICE (smiling) Not a hard thing to guess… Do you need my formal blessing for it, or what?

 

CAROLINE No—I only thought that… I wanted to ask you if you feel okay with that, actually.

 

ALICE ’S RUSSIAN SOUL Какие милые детки! Кэролайн боится, не обижусь ли я на неё из-за Патрика. Нет, конечно! Очень хорошо, что всё так устроилось.

 

ALICE (laughing) You mean I could have my own claims on… No—no such thing! In fact, I am very happy that it has turned out this way, and—

 

CAROLINE i am very thankful to you, Ms Florensky—because we all know that he would never become a normal boy without—without this crush on you, you know.

 

PATRICK (clears his throat) Apart from these… sentimental reasons, we have also come because the last hour of your last lesson was cancelled, and I think that you still owe it to us.

 

ALICE Really?

 

CAROLINE He means, like, your last spiritual advice and all that stuff.

 

ALICE I am at a loss what to say… All right! You want my last piece of spiritual advice. Here it is—now come…

 

ALICE ’S RUSSIAN SOUL Они хотят от меня «последних наставлений». Ладно. Сейчас что-нибудь придумаю… Жениться им надо поскорей, вот что.

They sit down.

 

ALICE Here it is. Be helpful to each other. Be kind to each other. Be quick to forgive each other’s mistakes, both small and big ones. Respect each other. And, for God’s sake, marry as soon as possible, even though it is not a custom here to marry at this age.

 

Alice receives a message on her phone.

 

ALICE It is Sir Gilbert, who says he will be here in five minutes.

 

CAROLINE Oh! We’d better be going, then.

 

They leave. Sir Gilbert enters.

 

SIR GILBERT I wasn’t disturbing you, was I?

 

ALICE Not at all, Sir Gilbert!

 

SIR GILBERT So happy to see your students visiting you. A good old thing that seldom happens nowadays...

 

ALICE Please take this chair. Sorry to have nothing more suitable.

 

Sir Gilbert sits down. Pause.

 

SIR GILBERT They do not want to keep you as a teacher. It will be hard for me to procure you another position like that.

 

ALICE (guiltily) Of that I am aware, Sir Gilbert.

 

ALICE ’S RUSSIAN SOUL Всё понятно, что там! Он тебе с таким трудом нашёл работу, а ты её… «безвозвратно потеряла», как говорил товарищ Сталин.

 

SIR GILBERT Which is why I am now offering you to be my wife, Alice, seeing this as the only means to secure your future. Before you refuse—for I am afraid you might—would you please take time to consider it?

 

I am not a very young man and can pass away in twenty to thirty years, maybe sooner, much sooner perhaps. I am going to regard our marriage as a formality, to the extent that I wouldn’t mind your little affairs on the side. I must add that I am as close to loving you as a man of my unfortunate inclinations can be. Would you believe that? I am awaiting your decision, Alice.

 

Pause.

 

ALICE ’S RUSSIAN SOUL Вот это да…

 

ALICE If I married you, Sir Gilbert, I would have no affairs on the side. You can be assured of that.

 

SIR GILBERT Which means ‘yes,’ doesn’t it? I am so sorry to see you cry, poor darling!

 

ALICE Which means—which means ‘Could you please give me some time to decide?’

 

SIR GILBERT Certainly—I only wanted to say that I am leaving London in four days…

 

ALICE Four days will be more than enough. (She smiles brightly.)

 

CONLUSION

THE NARRATOR Мисс Флоренски не ответила отказом, не ответила она и согласием. Она попросила дать ей несколько дней на размышление. Её будущеё ещё впереди, как и будущее любого человека, которое мы создаём каждый день. Но это — уже другая история. А наша история закончена. Звучит отрывок из песни The Curtain Falls, «Опускается занавес», в исполнении Марка Алмонда.

People say I was made for this

Nothing else would I trade for this

And to think I get paid for this

Thank you, goodnight

But now the curtain falls

[1] Читается как «менаж а труа» (прим. сост.)

[2] Я не уверен, что эти письма вообще нужно читать, так как непонятно, как это оформить драматически (прим. сост.).

[3] Я хотел это исправить, но после проверил и узнал, что, оказывается, есть именно такое выражение. Век живи — век учись (прим. сост).

[4] Это тоже грамматическая неправильность (нужно Have I ever told you…?), но она очень в духе разговорного языка (прим. сост.).

[5] Читается как «Жэ манти тут ма ви» (прим. сост.).