The methods used by Louise to make the whole world comply with her wishes.

JAMES THURBER"

THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY

"We're going through!" The Commander's voice was like thin ice breaking. He wore his full dressed uniform, with the heavily braided white cap pulled down rakishly over one cold grey eye. "We can't make it,' sir. It's spoiling for a hur­ricane,² if you ask me." "I'm not asking you, Lieutenant Berg," said the Commander. "Throw on³ the power lights! Rev her up to 8,500!⁴ We're going through!" The pounding of the cylinders increased; ta-pocketa-pocketa-pocketa-po-cketa-pocketa. The Commander stared at the ice forming on the pilot window. He walked over and twisted a row of complicated dials. "Switch on No. 8 auxiliary!" he shouted. "Switch on No. 8 auxiliary!"⁵ repeated Lieutenant Berg. "Full strength in No. 3 turret!" shouted the Commander. "Full strength in No. 3 turret!" The crew, bending to their various tasks in the huge, hurtling eight-engined Navy hydroplane, looked a teach other and grinned. "The Old Man¹¹ll get us through," they said to one another. "The Old Man ain't⁷ afraid of Hell!"...

"Not so fast! You're driving too fast!" said Mrs Mitty "What are you driving so fast for?"

"Hmm?" said Walter Mitty. He looked at his wife, in the seat beside him, with shocked astonishment. She seemed grossly unfamiliar, like a strange woman who had yelled at him in a crowd. "You were up to fifty-five," she said. "You know I don't like to go more than forty. You were up to fif­ty-five." Walter Mitty drove on toward Waterbury in si­lence, the roaring of the SN 202 through the worst storm in

* Thurber, James Grover (1894—1963), an American artist and writ­er, born in Columbus, Ohio. The author of The Middle-aged Man on the Flying Trapeze (1935), The Thurber Carnival (1945) The Years with Ross (1957) and others.

twenty years of Navy flying fading in the remote, intimate airways of his mind. "You're tensed up⁸ again," said Mrs. Mitty. "It's one of your days. I wish you'd let Dr Renshaw look you over."

Walter Mitty stopped the car in front of the building where his wife went over to have her hair done "Remember to get those overshoes while I'm having my hair done," she said. "I don't need overshoes," said Mitty. She put her mirror back into her bag. "We've been all through that,"⁹ she said, getting out of the car. "You're not a young man any longer." He raced the engine a little. "Why don't you wear your gloves? Have you lost your gloves?" Walter Mitty reach­ed in a pocket and brought out the gloves. He put them on, but after she had turned and gone into the building and he had driven on to a red light, he took them off again. "Pick it up,¹⁶ brother” snapped a cop¹¹ as the light changed, and Mitty hastily pulled on his gloves and lurched ahead. He drove around the streets aimlessly for a time, and then he drove past the hospital on his way to the parking lot.

... "It's the millionaire banker, Wellington McMillan," said the pretty nurse. "Yes?" said Walter Mitty, removing •his gloves slowly. "Who has the case?" "Dr Renshaw and Dr Benbow, but there are two specialists here, Dr Remington from New York and. Mr Pritchard Mitford from London. He flew over." A door opened down a long, cool corridor and Dr Renshaw came out. He looked distraught and haggard. "Hello Mitty," he said. "We're having the devil's own time with McMillan, the millionaire banker and close personal friend of Roosevelt. Obstreosis of the ductal tract.¹² Terti­ary.¹² Wish you'd take a look at him." "Glad to," said Mitty.

In the operating room there were whispered introduc­tions: "Dr Remington, Dr Mitty. Mr Pritchard Mitford, Dr Mitty." "I've read your book on streptothricosis,"¹² said Pritchard-Mitford, shaking hands. "A brilliant performance, ¹³ sir." "Thank you," said Walter Mitty. "Didn't know you were in the States, Mitty," grumbled Remington. "Coals to Newcastle,¹⁴ bringing Mitford and me up here for a terti­ary." "You are very kind," said Mitty. A huge, complicat­ed machine, connected to the operating table, with many valves and wires, began at this moment to go pocketa-pocke-ta-pocketa. "The new anaesthetizer is giving way!" shouted an interne.¹⁵ "There is no one in the East who knows how to fix it!" "Quiet, man!" said Mitty, in a low, cool voice. He

 

sprang to the machine, which was now going pocketa-pocke-ta-queep-pocketa-queep. He began fingering delicately a row of glistening dials. "Give me a fountain pen!" he snap­ped. Someone handed him a fountain pen. He pulled a faulty¹⁶ piston out of the machine and inserted the pen in its place. "That will hold for ten minutes," he said. "Get on with the operation." A nurse hurried over and whispered to Renshaw, and Mitty saw the man turn pale. "Coreopsis ¹² basset in," said Renshaw nervously. "If you would takeover, Mitty? " Mitty looked at him and at the craven figure of Benbow, who drank, and at the grave, uncertain faces of the two great specialists. "If you wish," he said. They slipped a white gown on him; he adjusted a mask and drew on thin gloves; nurses handed him shining...

"Back it up, Mac!¹⁷ Look out for that Buick!"¹⁸ Walter Mitty jammed on the brakes. "Wrong lane, Mac," said the parking lot attendant, looking at Mitty closely. "Gee. Yeh," muttered Mitty. He began cautiously to back out of the lane marked "Exit only". "Leave her sit there," said the attend­ant. "I'll put her away." Mitty got out of the car. "Hey, better leave the key." "Oh," said Mitty, handing the man the ignition key. The attendant vaulted into the car, backed it up with insolent skill, and put it where it belonged.

They're so damn cocky, thought Walter Mitty, walking along Main Street; they think they know everything. Once he had tried to take his chains off, outside New Milford, and he had got them wound around the axles. A man had had to come out in a 'wrecking-car "and unwind them, a young, grinning garageman. Since then Mrs Mitty always made him drive to a garage to have the chains taken off. The next time, he thought, I'll wear my right arm in a sling and they'll see I couldn't possibly take the chains off myself. He kicked at the-slush on the sidewalk.²⁰ "Overshoes," he said to him­self, and he began looking for a shoe store.

When he came out into the street again, with the over­shoes in a box under his arm, Walter Mitty began to wonder what the other thing was his wife had told him to get. She had told him twice, before they set out from their house for Waterbury. In a way he hated these weekly trips to town — he was always getting something wrong. Kleenex,²¹ he thought, Squibb's,²² razor blades? No. Toothpaste, toothbrush, bicarbonate, carborundeum, initiative and referendum? He gave it up. But she would remember it. "Where's the what's-its-name?" she would ask. "Don't tell me you forgot the

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what's-its-name." A newsboy went by shouting something about the Waterbury trial.

... "Perhaps this will refresh your memory," The Dis­trict Attorney²³ suddenly thrust a heavy automatic at the quiet figure on the witness" stand. "Have you ever seen this before?" Walter Mitty took the gun and examined it expert­ly, "This is my Webley-Vickers 50.80," he said calmly. An excited buzz ran around the courtroom. The judge rapped for order. "You are a crack shot with any sort of firearms, I believe?" said the District Attorney, insinuatingly. "Objec­tion!" shouted Mitty's attorney. "We have shown that the defendant could not have fired the shot. We have shown that he wore his right arm in a sling on the night of the four­teenth of July." Walter Mitty raised his hand briefly and the bickering attorneys were stilled. "With any known make of gun," he said evenly, "I could have killed Gregory Fitzhurst at three hundred feet with my left hand." Pandemonium broke loose in the courtroom. A woman's scream rose above the bedlam and suddenly a lovely, dark-haired girl was in Walter Mitty's arms. The District Attorney struck at her savagely. Without rising from his chair, Mitty let the man have it²⁴ on the point of the chin. "You miserable cur!"...

"Puppy biscuit," said Walter Mitty. He stopped walking and the buildings of Waterbury rose up out of the misty courtroom and surrounded him again. A woman who was passing laughed. "He said 'Puppy biscuit'," she said to her companion. "That man said 'Puppy biscuit' to himself." Walter Mitty hurried on. He went into an A. & P.,²⁵ not the first one he came to but a smaller one farther up the street. "I want some biscuit for small, young dogs," he said to the clerk. "Any special brand, sir?" The greatest pistol shot in the world thought a moment. "It says "Puppies Bark for It" on the box," said Walter Mitty.

His wife would be through at the hairdresser's in fifteen minutes, Mitty saw in looking at his watch, unless they had trouble drying it; sometimes they had trouble drying it. She didn't like to get to the hotel first; she would want him to be there waiting for her as usual. He found a big leather chair in the lobby, facing a window, and he put the overshoes and the puppy biscuit on the floor beside it. He picked, up an old copy of Liberty and sank down into the chair. "Can Germany Conquer the World Through the Air?" Walter Mitty looked at the pictures of bombing planes and of ruined streets.

... "The cannonading has got the wind up in young Ra­leigh,²⁶ sir, "said the sergeant. Captain Mitty looked up at him through tousled hair. "Get him to bed," he said wearily. "With the others. I'll fly alone." "But you can't, sir," said the sergeant anxiously. "It takes two men to handle that bomber and the Archies²⁷ are pounding hell out of the air. Von Richtman's circus²⁸ is between here and Saulier." "Somebody's got to get that ammunition dump,"²⁹ said Mitty. "I'm going over. Spot³⁰ of brandy?" He poured a drink for the sergeant and one for himself. War thundered and whined around the dugout and battered at the door. There was a rend­ing of wood and splinters flew through the room. "A bit of a near thing," said Captain Mitty carelessly. "The box bar­rage is closing in,³¹" said the sergeant. " We only live once, Sergeant," said Mitty, with his faint, fleeting smile. "Or do we?" He poured another brandy and toss­ed it off. "I never see a man could³² hold his brandy like you, sir," said the sergeant. "Begging your par­don, sir." Captain Mitty stood up and strapped on his huge Webley-Vickers automatic. "It's forty kilometres through hell, sir,"-said the sergeant. Mitty finished one last brandy. "After all," he said softly, "what isn't?" The pounding of the cannon increased; there was the rat-tatting of machine guns, and from somewhere came the menacing pocketa-poc-keta-pocketa of the new flame-throwers. Walter Mitty walk­ed to the door of the dugout humming "Aupres de Ma Blonde.³³'' He turned and waved to the sergeant. "Cheerio!³⁴'' he said...

Something struck his shoulder. "I've been looking all over this hotel for you," said Mrs Mitty. "Why do you have to hide in this old chair? How did you expect me to find you?" "Things close in," said Walter Mitty vaguely. "What?" Mrs Mitty said. "Did you get the what's-its-name? The puppy biscuit? What's in that box?" "Overshoes," said Mitty. "Couldn't you have put them on in the store?" "I was think­ing," said Walter Mitty. "Does it ever occur to you that I am sometimes thinking?" She looked at him. "I am going to take your temperature when I get you home," she said.

They went out through the revolving doors that made a faint­ly derisive whistling sound when you pushed them. It was two blocks to the parking lot. At the drugstore³⁶ on the corner she said, "Wait here for me. I forgot something. I won't be a minute." She was more than a minute. Walter Mitty lighted a cigarette. It began to rain, rain with sleet in it. He stood up

against the wall of the drugstore, smoking... He put hiss shoulders back and his heels together. "To hell with the handkerchief," said Walter Mitty scornfully. He took one last drag³⁶ on his cigarette and snapped it away. Then, with that faint, fleeting smile playing about his lips, he faced the firing squad;³⁷ erect and motionless, proud and disdainful, Walter Mitty the Undefeated, inscrutable to the last.

NOTES

1. make it (colloq.): to do or achieve a certain thing

2. It's spoiling for a hurricane: a hurricane is in the making, coming on

3. throw on: to switch on, turn on

4. Rev her up to 8,500: increase the revolutions to 8,500

5. auxiliary: an auxiliary engine

6. The Old Mart: a familiar name given to the captain of

a ship, aircraft, etc., by his crew. 7. ain't (iingram.): isn't

8. tensed up: showing mental or nervous strain-

9. We've been all through that: the matter has been discus­sed in great detail

10. Pick it up: move on quickly

11. cop (sl.): a policeman

12. obstreosis of the ductal tract; tertiary; streptothricosis;

coreopsis; imaginary medical terms, used by the author to show how Walter's mind is running on

13. performance: here — work

14. Coals to Newcastle: an unnecessary effort. Newcastle in the north of England became famous as a port from which coal was shipped, and there would be no point in taking coal there. Compare: в Тулу со своим самоваром.

15. interne: a doctor serving as an assistant resident in a hospital generally just after his graduation from medical school

16. faulty: having faults. The suffix -y forms adjectives with the meaning "having the nature or character of," as in icy, stony, windy, etc.

17. Mac: to an American this would be a rather contemptu­ous way of addressing someone

18. Buick: a car model

19. wrecking car: аварийная машина

20. sidewalk (Am. E.): a pavement or foot-walk

21. Kleenex: soft, absorbent paper tissues, used as handkerchiefs, for wiping off make-up, etc.

22. Squibb's: short sticks of wood with cotton at each end used for cleaning the ears.

23. District Attorney: a lawyer elected or appointed in a specified district to serve as a prosecutor for the state in criminal cases

24. let the man have it: hit the man

25. A. & P.: the Allantic and Pacific Tea Company, a large chain of supermarkets.

26. get the wind up in smb. (sl.): to frighten, to scare

27. Archies: anti-aircraft guns

28. circus: an expression used in the 1914—18 war of a squadron of planes under the command of a famous aviator

29. Somebody's got to get that ammunition dump: somebody's got to destroy that ammunition supply centre

30. spot (sl.): a small drink

31. closing in: getting nearer

32. I never see a man could (ungranfy: I never saw a man who could

33. Aupres de Ma Blonde (Fr.): In the arms of my Blonde

34. Cheerio (Dr. E. colloq.): good-bye

35. drugstore (Am. E.): a store where medical prescriptions are filled and drugs and medical supplies are sold; most drugstores also sell many kinds of other goods, food and drinks (esp. ice-cream and fruit drinks)

36. drag (sl.): a puff.

37. firing squad: a group of soldiers detailed to shoot to death someone so sentenced by a military court

EXERCISES

1. Answer the following questions.

1. In what role does Walter Mitty appear at the beginning of the story? 2. Who brought him back to reality? 3. What was Walter Mitty actually doing at the moment? 4. What were Mrs Mitty's final instructions to her husband before going to the hair-dresser's? 5. What made Walter Mitty picture himself as a world famous surgeon? 6. What interrupted his dreams? 7. Why did he have to leave it to the parking-lot attendant to put his car in place? 8. What put him in mind of the overshoes? 9. What made him imagine a scene from a court trial? 10. What vision of himself did he get? 11 How did it happen that he remembered about the puppy biscuits? 12. Where was he to meet his wife? 13. What was the effect

of an old copy of Liberty on Walter Mitty? 14. What did he dream about? 15. Why did Mrs Mitty promise to take his temperature when they returned home? 16. What set him off dreaming while waiting for Mrs Mitty to come out of the drug­store? 17. How did Walter Mitty appear to himself in his final fantasy?

Paraphrase or explain.

1. "We can't make it, sir. It's spoiling for a hurricane..."

2. "The Old Man'll get us through," they said to one another.

3. Walter Mitty drove on toward Waterbury in silence, the roaring of the SN 202 through the worst storm in twenty years of Navy flying fading in the remote, intimate airways of his mind. 4. "We're having the devil's own time with McMillan..." 5. "The new anaesthetizer is giving way!" 6. "If you would take over, Mitty?" 7. The attendant vaulted into the car, backed it up with insolent skill, and put it where it belonged. 8. Walter Mitty raised his hand briefly and the bickering attorneys were stilled. 9.... Mitty let the man have it on the point of the chin. 10. "A bit of a near thing, "said Captain Mitty carelessly. 11. "Things close in," said Walter Mitty vaguely. 12.... he faced the firing squad: erect and mo­tionless, proud and disdainful, Walter Mitty the Undefeated, inscrutable to the last.