How Your Birth Order influences Your Life Adjustment

LUCILLE К. FORER

When we are born into а family unit or brought into it through adoption or as а stepchild, we take а certain place in the family hierarchy. We become only child, oldest child, middle child, or youngest child. The first and most obvious effect of taking а certain position in the family is the relationship we have with respect to the people already there. If there are only adults present, we are in а very close and often intense relationship with them, as anyone knows who has had а child or who has watched first-time parents hovering over their infants. This constant and close relationship gives the first child in the family an opportunity to imitate and learn from these adults to the fullest possible extent. The first child imitates their physical mannerisms and learns speech from them. He learns many more things and much of the learning takes place on an unconscious level. That is, neither the parents nor the child verbalise that thus and so is the way to do something. The child observes and imitates.

From the beginning the parents treat the child in accordance with his place in the family and soon the child recognises that place. He is the child in the family, and he tends to think of himself as а child in relation to adults. The only child never has any reason to change such perception of his role and he tends to carry into adulthood а strong feeling of being а child in relation to other people.

Relations with parents

The first child, who becomes the older or oldest child, does not have this unlimited time to view himself as the child in the relationship with his parents. When а sibling arrives, he tries to suppress the view of himself as а child and he struggles to be parental. We shall find that in both childhood and adulthood the older or oldest child’s emphasis upon being "parental" offers him both advantages and problems.

Children who follow the first child in the family comeinto а situation where the relationship with the parent is, except in most unusual cases, shared with another child. The parents themselves have been changed by the preceding child or children in many ways. They are more experienced as parents. They may not welcome their later children with as much delight as they did their first child, but they are probably less tense and anxious about being able to care for them properly. The later children enjoy many advantages as а result of having more relaxed parents. They benefit from the tendency of parents to try out ideas on their first child and to be more tolerant with later children. After testing judgements about matters of all sorts parents are relatively certain of approaches to take with later children and they are usually more relaxed (and exhausted) ones.

The first child serves as а barrier between later children and the parents. He is one of the models for his siblings. Later children in а family do not feel the same dependency on the parents for sustenance and companionship as did the first child. They have а "peer" to turn to when the parents are not available. Consequently they do not have such intense feelings of loneliness when the attention of the parents is directed elsewhere, nor do they seem to feel so inadequate when they, do not meet the standards of their parents.

Extremely important to differentiating later children from first children is the extent to which direct identification with the parents is diluted for the later children. The later children seem more content to move gradually from child to adult. They do not seem to try as hard, as does the oldest child, to be parental and adult even during childhood.

The role we take as the result of being in а certain place in the family not only causes us to think about ourselves in certain ways, but it also causes us to think about other people in certain ways. The oldest tends to expect other people to be relatively less capable. The middle child has less specific expectations about the capabilities of other people. The youngest may see others as more adequate while the only child tends to think, "I am most secure when there are parents around to take care of me, but when they are not there, I have no one to turn to for help. So I’d better learn to take care of myself as much as possible."

The place in the family establishes for the child а specific role to be played within the family group. It influences him to develop certain attitudes toward himself and toward other people and helps him develop specific patterns of behaviour.

 

Born for each other?

Oldest Child

The oldest child tends to be self-assured, responsible, а high achiever and relatively serious and reserved, with parental qualities as а result of caring for younger siblings. He may become а perfectionist and worrier who finds it difficult to take criticism or tolerate others' mistakes, and he may be slow to make friends, perhaps content with only one companion.

The more "same sex" siblings an oldest has, the moreindependent and domineering he or he is and the more difficult it may be for him or her to find а suitable mate. The best matches are with а youngest, an only, or a mate raised with а large number of opposite-sex siblings. The worst match is with another oldest of same-sex siblings, since the two will be too sovereign to share а household comfortably. The oldest sister of brothers is popular because she values men and is а good sport. She matches well with а youngest,whom she can lead and nurture. The oldest brother of sisters tends to be easygoing, fun-loving, considerate and very fond of women. He is good at pleasing all females and is especially well matched with the youngest sister of brothers.

Youngest Child

The baby of the family thrives on attention and tends to be outgoing, adventurous, optimistic, creative, easygoing and less ambitious than others in the family. He may lack self-discipline and have difficulty making decisions on his own. The youngest may learn to manipulate, either by pouting or by being charming.

А younger sister of sisters will match best with an oldest sibling, who will see through her manipulation and is charmed by her playfulness. А youngest brother of brothers, often headstrong, unpredictable and romantic, will match best with an oldest or middle sister of brothers, whom he will allow to control his life in an unobtrusive manner. The youngest of same-sex sibling should avoid each other, since neither is nurturing, nor are they accustomed to members of the opposite sex. The youngest sister of brothers, often а tomboy and а flirt, is best matched with an oldest brother of sisters, who will happily indulge these traits. She is smart to stay away from an oldest brother of brothers or, worse, а youngest brother of brothers. The youngest brother of sisters is popular because he enjoys women who are supportive, admiring and eager to please.

Middle Child

The middle child is influenced by many variables; however, middles are often introverted, less likely to take initiative or achieve high academic standards and more anxious and self-critical than others.

The middle child’s most comfortablemarriage duplicates а relationship with а close sibling. Middles often successfully marry other middles, since both are strong on tact, not so strong on aggressiveness and tend to crave affection.

Only Child

The only child picks up characteristics of her same-sex parent’s birth order, and this may influence who represents her best match. She is often most comfortable when alone, but since an "only" tends to be а well-adjusted individual, she’ll eventually learn to relate to any chosen spouse.

The male only child expects his wife to make it easier without getting much in return; he is sometimes best matched with а younger or middle sister of brothers, or а maternal, oldest sister of brothers. His most difficult match is with another only. The female only child, who tends to be slightly more flexible, is well matched with an older man, who will indulge her tendency to test his love. Any birth order will do, but her best match is apt to be а brother of sisters. Her worst match? Another only, of course.

From Psychology Today magazine, 1989 (Sussex Publishers, Inc).

 

Vocabulary Practice

Exercise 1

a) Read the notes below and fill in the blanks using learn, know, discover, to find out

to know – means to have/possess knowledge – знать что-то

to learn – means to be informed, to receive information about smth – узнать что-то; to learn smth from smb – узнать что-то от кого-то, to learn about smth – узнать о чем-либо

to discover – also means to receive information about smth but suggests that the new information is surprising or unexpected – узнать, обнаружить, к удивлению обнаружить

to find out – means to get information by search or inquiry, making an effort to learn smth – узнать, выяснить

 

When he _____ what treatment his mother needed he rushed to the chemistry. 2. When Richard came home, he _____ to his astonishment that everybody knew everything. 3. Mother was surprised to _____ each member of the family had a different idea for the summer. 4. I was sorry to _____ that our team had lost the game again. 5. Give her a ring to _____ if she can join us tonight. 6. He has just _____ that he has passed all the exams with distinction. 7. We tried hard to _____ anything about his family background but failed. 8. When his rivals _____ about his intentions, they changed their mind and refused to fight. 9. If you manage to _____ information, please, share it with other students. 10. What have you _____ from your neighbour? 11. He came to the office only to ______ that all the documents had been stolen. 12. You’d better ____ everything yourself before getting into trouble.

 

b) Translate the following using learn, know, discover, to find out

1. К всеобщему удивлению, они обнаружили, что их вкусы совпадают. 2. Как только ты узнаешь об этом, немедленно позвони мне. 3. Интересно, от кого они узнали об этом? 4. У кого твой друг научился так замечательно готовить? – Он научился этому у своей сестры. Она привыкла много готовить, нее это отлично получается, кроме того, она знает необычные рецепты 5. Мы только что узнали о том, что к нам приезжает наша любимая рок группа. 6. К сожалению, они так ничего и не выяснили. 7. Мы сделаем все возможное, чтобы узнать это для вас. 8. Если бы он знал, что происходит, он сейчас был бы здесь. 9. Ты узнал, когда у нас экзамены? 10. Кто рассказал тебе эти новости? – Я узнал их от своих друзей.

 

Exercise 2

а) Fill in the blanks with as or like

1. She is _____ a daughter to me. 2. My Dad works _____ a representative of our company in Brussels. 3. No one does it _____ he does. 4. He treats his children _____ adults. 5. Don’t treat me ______ your inferior. 6. The clown was dressed _____ a woman. 7. If you put another coat of paint on your car, it will look _____ new. 8. He plays rugby _____ a professional.

 

Exercise 3

Translate the following using treat or treatment

1. Мне кажется, что наш преподаватель обращается со всеми студентами одинаково. 2 Подростки обычно не любят, когда с ними обращаются как с детьми. 3. Она относится к нему как к сыну. 4. К этому делу необходимо относиться более серьезно. 5. Если бы ты обращался с ним как с равным, вы бы не поссорились. 6. Она предложила угостить нас мороженым. 7. Хочешь, я угощу тебя яблоком? 8. Если бы врач не назначил ей этого лечения, она бы до сих пор болела. 9. Какое лучшее лечение от простуды? 10. Мать была так рада, что сын, наконец, пришел, что не знала, куда его посадить. 11. В настоящее время эта известная актриса проходит лечение в больнице. 12. Наша секретарша обращается со мной как со своими подчиненными.

 

Exercise 4

Translate the following using perceive or perception

1. Трудно не заметить изменения в ее манере поведения. 2. Почувствовав, что им не рады, они ушли. 3. Они так и не смогли распознать суть проблемы. 4. Как он воспринял то, что ему сказали? 5. Мне кажется, что мое восприятие этого произведения отличается от вашего. 6. Люди могут по-разному воспринимать цвета и их оттенки. 7. Мне трудно воспринимать такую манеру поведения. 8. Все зависит от нашего восприятия мира.

 

Exercise 5

Translate the following using think about or think of

1. Никто не подозревал, что Джек подумывает о том, чтобы сменить работу. 2. Ты когда-нибудь думал о том, чтобы отправиться в кругосветное путешествие? 3. О чем ты думаешь? – Я думаю о завтрашней встрече. 4. Он думал о том, чтобы убедить ее поехать с ним. 5. Она подумывает о том, чтобы бросить курить. 6. Я думаю, что это очень целеустремленный человек. 7. Не думай о них, они сами смогут справиться со всеми проблемами. 8. Доктор думал о том, чтобы поговорить с пациентом об этом лично.

 

Exercise 6

Translate the following using care for, care about, take care of

1. Я слышал, что ребенок увлекается чтением. Какими книгами он увлекается? 2. Его начальник плохо с ним обращается, но это его не волнует. 3. Елена уже вышла на работу. Интересно, кто будет заботиться о ее детях, пока ее не будет дома? 4. Несмотря на то, что твой брат занимается живописью уже много лет и уже принял участие во многих художественных выставках, на этот раз он не получил приз. Однако не думаю, что это его волнует. Он понимает, что многие считают его одаренным и даже выдающимся художником. 5. Ей не важно, что говорят о ней коллеги по работе. 6. Я не люблю конфеты. 7. Он был так зол на нее, что утверждал, что ему все равно, что с ней случится. 8. Ей никогда не нравилась такая музыка. Она предпочитает рок джазу. 9. Нелли абсолютно не на кого положиться, ей приходится самой заботится о ее больной племяннице и содержать собственную семью. 10. Если ты не позаботишься об этом сейчас, завтра может быть поздно.

 

Exercise 7

Translate the following using reach or achieve

1. Ученый делал все возможное, упорно работал над открытием в течение многих лет и, наконец, достиг цели. 2. Какое достижение ты считаешь самым важным в жизни? 3. Когда ты достигнешь моего возраста, деньги не будут так важны для тебя, как сейчас. 4. Они спорят уже полтора часа и еще не пришли к соглашению. 5. Ключи упали, и он не мог до них дотянуться. 6. Если вы не достигнете компромисса, вы не сможете работать вместе. 7. Ты никогда ничего не достигнешь, если не будешь стараться изо всех сил. 8. Они всегда легко достигали понимания по самым трудным вопросам. 9. Благодаря рекламе мы достигли роста уровня продаж. 10. Менеджер объяснил мне, что получил эти новости только вчера. 11. Ребенок не может дотянуться до верхней полки, он не достаточно высокий. 12. Когда к вечеру путешественники добрались до вершины горы, все были усталые, но довольные.

 

Exercise 8

a) Study the following examples:

1. Paulina comes from Brazil. She is used to / is accustomed to hot weather. (It’s normal for her)

2. Paulina is not used to / is not accustomed to rainy weather. (It’s new and strange for her.)

3. Paulina has been living in England for almost five months. She is getting used to / is getting accustomed to rainy weather. (It’s becoming more normal for her.)

4. Half a year later Paulina got used to / got accustomed to the rain. (It’s no longer strange for her.)

5. Paulina has a friend who came to England a year ago. However, he still can’t get used to / get accustomed to English weather. (He still doesn’t feel comfortable.)

6. He used to live in a different city. (He doesn’t any longer) – Раньше он жил в другом городе.

 

b) Insert the necessary structure into the following sentences using the verbs in brackets:

1. It was difficult for him to concentrate. He _____ (work) in such a noisy office. 2. I _____ (be) fit when I was at school. 3. Do you like living in the city? – Well, I _____ to it yet, but it’s okay. 4. He _____ (do) so many things at the same time. 5. Do you remember things we _____ (do) when we were kids? 6. He can’t stand wearing a suit every day. He ______ (wear) it yet. 7. She _____ (wash) her clothes by hand, but now she has a washing machine. 8. The children were bored with bad weather. They _____ (play) outside. 9. She _____ (travel) a lot when he was younger. 10. He _____ to this style of clothes gradually.

 

c) Translate the following using be/get used to doing smth, be/get accustomed to doing smth; used to do smth

1. Раньше они каждое утро ходили на пляж. 2. Мы не привыкли к левостороннему движению. Нам трудно к этому привыкнуть. 3. Вскоре она привыкла к жизни в этом большом и шумном городе. 4. До свадьбы она все время ходила в театры и на концерты, поэтому сейчас ей трудно привыкнуть сидеть дома. 5. Они не привыкли оставаться летом в городе. Они привыкли ездить на море. 6. К такому поведению трудно привыкнуть. Мне кажется, я никогда не смогу к этому привыкнуть. 7. Если ты не привыкнешь вставать рано, ты будешь все время опаздывать на работу. 8. Раньше он жил за городом. Сейчас он постепенно привыкает жить в городской квартире. Если он хочет работать в этой компании, ему придется к этому привыкнуть. 9. Она не привыкла работать в такой шумной обстановке. Раньше в их доме всегда было тихо. 10. Он не привык, чтобы с ним так разговаривали. И сам не привык так разговаривать с людьми. 11. Я еще не привык к этой новой компьютерной программе, но постепенно осваиваю ее. 12. Скоро они привыкнуть готовить ужин каждый день.

 

Exercise 9

Translate the following using to be good /brilliant/ hopeless at

1. Моя мама отлично готовит. 2. Мне кажется, что у меня нет абсолютно никаких способностей к рисованию. 3. У этого спортсмена выдающиеся способности в этом виде спорта. 4. Его сестра отлично танцует. 5. Мне нравится, как он разговаривает с людьми. У него хорошо получается убеждать их делать то, что необходимо. 6. Никто не сомневался в том, что она будет хорошо петь. У нее талант с детства. 7. Если бы он так здорово не играл в хоккей, его бы не пригласили в команду. 8. Как ты думаешь, у него получится кататься на коньках также хорошо, как раньше? Он не делал это уже много лет.

 

Exercise 10

Translate the following sentences using valuable, value, valuables

1. Оказалось, что в письме было много ценных сведений по вопросу, который так долго всех интересовал. 2. Это кольцо оказалось очень ценным, не так ли? 3. Никто не думал, что его изобретение представляет собой такую ценность для науки. 4. Не оставляйте ценные вещи без присмотра. 5. Мне кажется, он не понимает значения этих лекарств для успешного лечения. 6. Эта статья не представляет для меня никакой ценности.

 

Exercise 11

Translate the following sentences using active adjectives and their derivatives

1. Тебе нужно быть более внимательным и тактичным по отношению к другим людям. 2. Неудивительно, если после его поступка его будут считать бестактным человеком. 3. Он нетерпимо относится к представителям других религиозных конфессий. Это наносит вред его репутации. 4. Было очевидно, что она с трудом выносит его присутствие. 5. В большей степени его поведение объяснялось давлением сверстников. 6. Он всегда довольствуется малым. 7. Она не довольна условиями работы и подумывает о том, чтобы сменить ее. 7. Родители старались изо всех сил, чтобы обеспечить ребенку достойное будущее, но, к сожалению, он не ценил этого. 8. В наши дни стабильная высокооплачиваемая работа – большая ценность. 9. Вы уверены в том, что этот замок надежен? 10. В последнее время у него появились какие-то странные привычки, кроме того, он стал слишком самоуверенным и деспотичным. 11. Его ценили за легкость характера и покладистость. 12. Ты слишком упрям. Какой смысл отрицать, что для того, чтобы осуществить этот проект, нужно быть творческим человеком? Тебе, как всегда, не хватает здравого смысла.

 

 

Exercise 12

Work in pairs

 

1. Если бы он не был таким властным и невнимательным к чувствам других, они бы не поссорились.     2. С одной стороны, он любит, чтобы все было, так, как он хочет, но с другой делает это достаточно ненавязчиво.   3. Она очень избалованная. Не нужно было потворствовать всем ее капризам.   4. Что толку отрицать, что ты плохо приспосабливаешься к обществу? В конце концов, тебе придется научиться общаться с коллегами.   5. Когда в семье появился еще один ребенок, старший сын пытался перестать вести себя по-детски и изо всех сил старался относиться к малышу по-родительски.   6. Если ты не перестанешь обращаться с ней подобным образом, вполне вероятно, что из нее вырастет девчонка-сорванец. Кроме того, у нее может выработаться определенная модель поведения.   7. Вряд ли его мечты сбудутся. Несмотря на то, что он так страстно желает получить эту работу, он не обладает ни необходимыми для этого умениями, ни навыками.   8. Зря ты разговаривал с ней таким тоном. Она не выносит грубости.   9. Сейчас моя сестра находится в меньшем напряжении и меньше беспокоиться о том, что не сможет как следует заботиться о детях самостоятельно. Она уверена в том, что няня, которую они наняли, будет заботиться о них.   10. Не нужно испытывать на нем все твои новые идеи. Чем больше ты ему навязываешь, тем более он становится нетерпелив как с нами, так и с другими людьми.   11. У моего мужа целый ряд проблем, начиная от мелких, незначительных и заканчивая крупными. Я очень надеюсь, что он сможет преодолеть все трудности.   12. Она не чувствует, что зависит от него. Она сама умеет принимать все необходимые решения. Кроме него есть много людей, к которым она может обратиться за помощью и получить ее.   13. Не дави на нее. Она начинает действовать неадекватно, полагая, что не соответствует нашим ожиданиям.   14. Хотя у него была привычка угождать всем, с ним было не так легко общаться, как это могло показаться. Кроме того, он производил впечатление человека, которому не хватало самодисциплины.   15. Она надула губы, но это не подействовало. Казалось, он видит ее насквозь.

1. If he wasn’t / weren’t so domineering and inconsiderate to other people, they wouldn’t have had a row.     2. On the one hand, he likes everything to be the way he wants, but on the other, he does it in quite an unobtrusive manner.   3. She is very spoilt. You shouldn’t have indulged all her whims.   4. What’s the use of denying that you aren’t a well adjusted individual? Eventually, you’ll have to learn to associate with your colleagues.     5. When another child was born into the family, the elder son was trying to stop perceiving himself as a child and was doing his utmost to be parental.     6. If you keep treating her in such a way, she’s very likely to become a tomboy. Besides, she can develop a specific pattern of behaviour.   7. His dreams are unlikely to come true. Despite craving for the job, he possesses neither the required skills, nor qualifications.     8. You shouldn’t have spoken to her in such a way. She tolerates no rudeness.   9. Now my sister is less tensed and anxious about being able to care for her children properly on her own. She’s sure that the au pair they have employed will take care of them.   10. You shouldn’t try all your ideas on him. The more you impose on him, the more impatient he gets both with us and other people.     11. My husband has a number of problems ranging from minor and insignificant to big ones. I do hope he’ll be able to overcome all the difficulties.   12. She feels no dependence on him. She is capable of taking all the necessary decisions herself. There are many people apart from him she can turn to for help and receive it.     13. Don’t push her. She starts being inadequate thinking she doesn’t meet our expectations.     14. In spite of the fact that he was in the habit of indulging everybody he wasn’t as easy-going as it might seem. Besides, he made an impression of a man who lacked self-discipline.   15. She pouted but it produced no effect. He seemed to see her through.

 

 

Reading Comprehension

I. Make sure you know how to prove the following

1. Two only children who marry each other may have problems due to the fact that they both are used to a lot of attention and approval.

2. An oldest child may find that another oldest is not a good marriage match.

3. An oldest may be happier with an only child or with a youngest child.

4. A youngest sister matches best with an oldest brother who will appreciate her charm and tolerate her manipulation.

5. The best match for a middle child is often another middle child since they both are tactful and normally are not aggressive.

6. Though only children are often bad matches for each other, they find it relatively easy to find good matches.

 

 

II.

a) Find the English equivalents of the following

Трястись над детьми (чрезмерно опекать); в полной степени; неосознанно, на подсознательном уровне; в соответствии с чем-либо; относительно чего-либо/кого-либо; испытывать, оценивать себя, пробовать идеи на ком-либо; чувствовать зависимость от родителей; соответствовать чьим-либо ожиданиям; отличать, проводить грань между чем-либо; думать о других определенным образом; иметь определенные ожидания по поводу чего-либо; обращаться к кому-либо за помощью; цвести, процветать, произрастать; дуть губы; в ненавязчивой манере; стараться угодить; проявлять инициативу; хорошо успевать в к-л учебном заведении; жаждать внимания; человек, умеющий приспосабливаться.

 

 

b) Re-phrase or explain the following

1. …we are born into а family unit or brought into it through adoption or as а stepchild….

2. …we take а certain place in the family hierarchy.

3. … the relationship we have with respect to the people already there.

4. … we are in а very close and often intense relationship with them (people in the family).

5. … First-time parents usually hover over their infants.

6. … he tends to think of himself as а child in relation to adults.

7. …he tries to suppress the view of himself as а child and he struggles to be parental.

8. After testing judgements about matters of all sorts parents are relatively certain of approaches to take with later children….

9. It influences him to develop certain attitudes toward himself and toward other people.

10. …the two (two oldest of same-sex siblings)will be too sovereign to share а household comfortably.

11. She values men and is а good sport.

12. She matches well with а youngestwhom she can lead and nurture.

13. The youngest may learn to manipulate, either by pouting or by being charming.

14. А youngest brother of brothers is often headstrong and unpredictable.

15. …he will allow to control his life in an unobtrusive manner.

 

III. Discuss the following

1. Do you agree that children from happy marriages are more likely to have successful marriages themselves?

2. Are you a supporter or a critic of birth-order theory? Why?

3. Which influences or factors other than birth-order might explain why children in the same family often have different personalities?

4. Do you believe parents try to give а fair share of the family's resources to each child in order to distribute the resources evenly?

5. Smaller children usually learn that they can compete with older ones.

 

IV

a) Divide the adjectives of personality into groups and fill in the chart

	First-born children	Middle children	Youngest children	Only children
Positive adjectives
Negative adjectives
Positive or negative adjectives

 

b) Speak about yourself in terms of the Birth Order Theory. Use as many adjectives as possible.

 

                              Listening Comprehension

 

Text 1

 

innate ability – врожденная способность acquired ability – приобретенная способность to crown it all – и наконец (вводная фраза)

 

· What does giftedness depend on?

· What is the role of parents in developing their children’s talents?

 

Text 2

 

Listen to the text and answer the question below:

1. In Kate’s opinion, what accounts for personality differences between siblings?
2. What does kate say about younger siblings compared to the olest child in a family?
3. What does Kate describe as the typical traits of younger siblings?
4. According to kate, to what extend is a child affected by the birth of a younger sibling and what does it depend on (the personality of that sibling, how close the children are in age, the number of children in the family, on how the parents deal with any problem, etc.)
5. Under what circumstances, in Kate’s view, will a child go on to develop successfully?
6. What does Kate consider the most valuable conribution a psychotherapist can make?

 

Расшифровка текста, не знаю, куда ее деть!

 

I: My guest today is the psychotherapist, Kate Holt, and I'm going to be asking Kate about personality. Kate, what I've never understood is how brothers and sisters can be so different. Surely, if siblings have the same upbringing, you'd expect them to be similar in personality?

 

K: Well, this is why some people are convinced their children are born with different characters already in place. Either that, or they must be under the sway of external influences such as school or friends. But you have to remember that no two children are ever going to be brought up in exactly the same way. Things change radically between the births of different children - a new child may be a much anticipated event or a big upheaval, and at different stages of their lives, parents may be more or less financially secure, emotionally content or whatever. My own view is that at the time of each birth, parents are in a new situation, which means that inevitably they relate to the new child in a very different way to previous ones - even if that's not their intention. And as a result, each child develops their own way of responding, which is what makes them who they are.

 

I: Presumably, the order a child comes in the family is also an important factor in determining personality. What about the firsttborn?

 

K: Well, parents are usually thrilled when the first child is born, so it's the focus for a lot of attention and parental aspiration. The tendency is for the child to identify strongly with the parents, taking the line of least resistance, and doing whatever they want. Being a conscientious student at school, if this is important to the parents, is a simple way of currying favour with them, although it doesn't necessarily lead to more affection - in fact, this is often given to the younger ones. The oldest child typically dislikes and avoids change and risk-taking - many establishment figures such as politicians turn out to be oldest children, it seems.

 

I: That's interesting. I imagine younger siblings are less likely to do as they're told, therefore?

 

K: Absolutely. Younger children are often very keen to stand out in some way from the sibling born immediately before them. In what's probably an effort to attract attention, they seem to cultivate different personality characteristics or skills. So, if the oldest child is academic, for instance, the second migh t go to great lengths to be creative or sporty or vice versa. Alternatively, if the first child is particularly close to one parent, say the mother, the second might identify more closely with the father. People like revolutionaries or radical thinkers have often tended to be youngest children - perhaps their strategy is to rebel against the entire rest of the family.

 

I: And what effect does it have on a child when a new sibling comes along?

 

K: Mm, an interesting question. It's obviously more of a shock to the system for the oldest child, who may do their best to dominate, in an attempt to keep things as they were before and preserve the status quo. But if the new child grabs all the attention, there is a risk that the older child will feel resentful at being pushed out and react angrily towards the parents. How great an impact a new brother or sister will have, though, is mainly related to the gap between them. Children aged four and over are far less affected by the birth of a sibling because they're better eq uipped to cope. Whereas a gap of less than two years between children can often cause problems, even leading to psychological problems in some cases.

 

I: In what ways are adult relationships affected by childhood?

 

K: I think emotions such as humour or anger are probably inherited from our parents, and we can do little about that. obviously. And all parents do, to some degree, offioad baggage from their own childhood onto their children - again inevitably. But I firmly believe that what will determine the pattern of our future relationships is what happens to us between six months and around the age of five. At this age, children begin to adopt specific patterns of behaviour learned from the people who take care of them, and connections start to form in the brain. As a result of this, even as adults we continue to relate to people in the way we learned to as children. So, whether you are, for example, secure or trusting, or always expect the worst, will sfem from this time.

 

I: Does this mean that, as a psychotherapist, you can do nothing to help an adult?

 

K: Fortunately, I believe I can. After all, the best thing you can do for your child is to understand yourself. My aim is to help people to become aware of why they think and behave in the way they do, in order that they can make any necessary changes themselves, and that's how I can really help. Unfortunately, people often keep things repressed because they're scared of confronting their feelings, so the process of uncovering can take years. But change is always possible if you can recognise that you are misin terpreting the signs - when you think everyone hates you, or whatever.

 

I: Kate, we'll have to stop there. Thank you very much.

 

Have your say

1. Gifted children are those who have outstanding abilities and are capable of high performance.

2. Parents should take up the approach of support and stimulation, should encourage and praise, never be pushy and never put pressure on them.

3. How far do you agree with the ideas expressed by Kate?

 

 

Text 2

 

contemporary – современный faith – вера delivery – роды pregnancy – беременность

 

· What positions do different religions hold on the question of childbirth?

· What conditions shuld be taken into account when deciding how many children to have?

 

Have your say

• Do you believe the number of children in a family is a social, religious or a private matter?
• Would you agree that an only child is bound to grow into a selfish, self-centered person?
• What are love and understanding in a family conditioned by, in your opinion?

 

PROJECT 1