In the Doctor’s Consulting-Room

Миссис Крэг: Добрый день, доктор.

Доктор: Добрый день, миссис Крэг. На что жалуетесь.

Миссис Крэг: Мне кажется у меня что-то сердцем. Прошлой ночью я не могла спать, у меня были боли в сердце и очень болела голова.

Д: Раздевайтесь до пояса. Я послушаю ваше сердце, измерю давление, пульс. Вы часто не спите?

Миссис Крэг: Да, я страдаю бессонницей.

Доктор: У вас высокое давление, поэтому у вас болит голова. С сердцем у вас есть проблемы. Вам нужно показаться кардиологу (a heart specialist). А также необходимо сделать анализ крови и рентген грудной клетки. Я вам выписываю рецепт на успокоительное (sedative) средство. А также нужно попить витамины.

Миссис Крэг: Доктор, а с сердцем, вы думаете, у меня серьезно?

Доктор: Думаю, что не очень. Но картина станет ясной, только после того, как вы сдадите анализы и сделаете дополнительные исследования, которые вам назначит доктор.

***

Пациент: Добрый день, доктор.

Доктор: Добрый день. На что жалуетесь?

Пациент: Я не спал всю ночь, у меня высокая температура, я постоянно кашляю, чихаю, ужасная головная боль.

Доктор: Как долго вы себя так чувствуете?

Пациент: Второй день. Я вчера выпил таблетку аспирина на ночь, но не подействовало. Вот я решил прийти к вам.

Доктор: Раздевайтесь до пояса. Я послушаю ваши легкие. Они мне не нравятся. У вас, возможно, воспаление легких. Вам необходимо сделать срочно рентген грудной клетки и сдать анализ крови. Покажите язык. Скажите: «А…» Я посмотрю горло. А теперь я хочу измерить вашу температуру. Да, она достаточно высокая. Я вам выписываю таблетки и полоскание. После рентгена я, возможно, назначу еще и уколы. Сейчас я вам даю освобождение от работы на неделю. Завтра придете ко мне в два часа, когда будут готовы результаты исследования. До завтра.

Пациент: До свидания, доктор.

 

III. SUPPLEMENTARY READING

Text 1

How to Live to Be 200

By Stephen Leacock

 

Twenty years ago I knew a man called Jiggins, who had the Health Habit.

He used to take a cold plunge every morning. He said, it opened his pores. After it he took a hot sponge. He said it closed the pores. He got so that he could open and shut his pores at will.

Jiggins used to stand and breathe at an open window for half an hour before dressing. He said it expanded lungs. He, might, of course, have had it done in a shoe store with a bootstretcher, but after all it cost him nothing this way, and what is half an hour?

After he had got his undershirt on, Jiggins used to hitch himself up like a dog in harness and do exercises.

He did them forwards, backwards, and hind-side up.

He could have got a job as a dog anywhere. He spent all his time at his kind of thing. In his spare time at the office, he used to lie on his stomach on the floor and see if he could lift himself up with his knuckles. If he could, then he tried some other way until he found one that he couldn't do. Then he would spend the rest of his lunch hour on his stomach, perfectly happy.

In the evenings in his room he used to lift iron bars, cannon-balls, heavy dumb-bells, and haul himself up to ceiling with his teeth. You could hear the thumps half a mile.

He liked it.

He spent half the night slinging himself around his room. He said it made his brain clear. When he got his brain perfectly clear, he went to bed and slept. As soon as he woke, he began clearing it again.

Jiggins is dead. He was, of course, a pioneer, but the fact that he dumb-belled himself to death at an early age does not prevent a whole generation of young men from following in his path.

They are ridden by the Health Mania. They make themselves a nuisance. They get up at impossible hours. They go out in silly little suits and run Marathon heats before breakfast.

They chase around barefoot to get the dew on their feet. They hunt for ozone. They bother about pepsin. They won't eat meat because it has too much nitrogen. They won't eat fruit because it hasn't any. They prefer albu­men and starch and nitrogen to huckleberry-pie and doughnuts. They won't drink water out of a tap. They won't eat sardines out of a can. They won't use oysters out of a pail. They won't drink milk out of a glass. They are afraid of alcohol in any shape. Yes, sir, afraid. "Cowards."

And after all their fuss they presently incur some simple old-fashioned illness and die like anybody else.

Now people of this sort have no chance to attain any great age. They are on the wrong track.

Listen. Do you want to live to be really old, to enjoy a grand, green, exuberant, boastful old age and to make yourself a nuisance to your whole neighbourhood with your reminiscences?

Then cut out all this nonsense. Cut it out. Get up in the morning at a sensible hour. The time to get up is when you have to, not before. If your office opens at ele­ven, get up at ten-thirty. Take your chance on ozone. There isn't any such thing anyway. Or, if there is, you can buy a Thermos bottle full for five cents, and put it on a shelf in your cupboard. If your work begins at se­ven in the morning, get up at ten minutes to, but don't be liar enough to say that you like it. It isn't exhilara­ting, and you know it.

Also, drop all that cold-bath business. You never did it when you were a boy. Don't be a fool now. If you must take a bath (you don't really need to), take it warm. The pleasure of getting out of a cold bed and creeping into a hot bath beats a cold plunge to death. In any case, stop gassing about your tub and your "shower," as if you were the only man who ever washed.

So much for the point.

Next, take the question of germs and bacilli. Don't be scared of them. That's all. That's the whole thing, and if you once get on to that you never need to worry again.

If you see a bacillus, walk right up to it, and look it in the eye. If one flies into your room, strike at it with your hat or with a towel. Hit as hard as you can between the neck and the thorax. It will soon get sick of that.

But, as a matter of fact, a bacillus is perfectly quiet and harmless if you are not afraid of it. Speak to it. Call out to it to "lie down." It will understand......Understand that it is only a fad of modern medicine to say that cholera and typhoid and diphtheria are caused by bacilli and germs; nonsense. Cholera is caused by a frightful pain in the stomach, and diphtheria is caused by trying to cure a sore throat. Now take the question of food.

Eat what you want. Eat lots of it. Yes, eat too much of it. Eat till you can just stagger across the room with and prop it up against a sofa cushion. Eat everything that you like until you can't eat any more. The only test is, can you pay for it? If you can't pay for it, don't eat it. And listen — don't worry as to whether your food contains starch or albumen, or gluten, or nitrogen. If you are a damn fool enough to want these things go and buy them and eat all you want of them. Go to a laundry and get a bag of starch and eat your fill of it. Eat it, and a good long drink of glue after it, and a spoonful Portland cement. That will gluten you, good and solid.

If you like nitrogen, go and get a druggist to give you a canful of it at the soda counter and let you sip it with a straw. Only don't think that you can mix all these things up with your food. There isn't any nitrogen or phosphorus or albumen in ordinary things to eat. In any decent household all that sort of stuff is washed out in the kitchen sink before the food is put on the table.

And just one word about fresh air and exercise. Don't bother with either of them. Get your room full of good air, then shut up the windows and keep it. It will keep for years. Anyway, don't keep using your lungs all the time. Let them rest. As for exercise, if you have to take it, take it and put up with it. But as long as you have the price of hack and can hire other people to play baseball for you and run races and do gymnastics when you sit in the shade and smoke and watch them — great heavens, what more do you want?

Work on the text

Finish the sentences, using the words from the text:

1. Jiggins used to take a cold plunge …

2. In his spare time at the office …

3. In the evenings in his room her used to lift iron bars …

4. He was, of course, a pioneer...

5. They chase around barefoot...

6. Now people of this sort have no chance …

7. If your work begins at seven in the morning …

8. If you must take a bath …

9. Eat till you can just …

10. As for exercise …

Answer the questions based on the text.

1. Why did Jiggins use to take a cold plunge every morning?

2. What expanded lungs according to his theory?

3. How did he spend his spare time at the office?

4. What kind of exercises did Jiggins usually do in the evening?

5. What made his brain clear (in his opinion)?

6. What do people do when they are ridden by the Health Mania?

7. Does the author believe that the Health Habit helps to prolong one’s life?

8. When should you get up according to the author?

9. What is the author’s attitude to taking a cold bath in the morning?

10. What advice does he give if one has to face a bacillus or a germ?

11. What are cholera and diphtheria caused by according to the author?

12. How much does he advise to eat to his readers?

13. What does the amount of your food depend on?

14. What is the author’s idea of eating albumen, starch, gluten and nitrogen?

15. What does the author think of fresh air and exercise?

16. Do you believe that the author is sincere in all his recommendations?

 

Tell the group what you have learnt.

a) about Jiggins;

b) about his followers;

c) about the advice to those who want to live to be really old;

d) the author’s point of view on the problem.

Text 2

A Dentist and His Patient

One bright summer morning a well-dressed young man, who looked like a gentleman, called to see a well-known dentist in Picadilly Street in London. He was shown into the waiting-room and told that the dentist would be ready to see him in the dentistry in a few minutes.

The dentist was attending to another case at that time but he happened to glance through the door which was only partially shut. He saw a man removing various silver ornaments, which were scattered about the room, and put­ting them into his pockets.

The man was about to leave the house, when the den­tist requested him to come into his dentistry and to be seated.

The dentist began examining the man's teeth. On fini­shing the examination the dentist said:

"If you want to escape serious consequences, you must undergo a painful extraction together with a lancing of the gum. But don't be afraid you will be given gas and you won't feel anything at all."

The patient expressed much unwillingness to undergo the treatment. He said:

"You see, doctor, I'm not prepared for such a serious treatment today, I'll call on you in some days again, and then..."

But the dentist, paying no heed to his objections, admi­nistered a powerful anesthetic. It rapidly made the man unconscious.

Then the dentist sent for the police.

The man was removed and woke up a couple of hours later to find himself securely locked up in prison.